Have you ever struggled to find words for something you experience?


Maybe it’s a story you tell yourself and others, over and over again, and suddenly one day you realize you don’t need to tell that story anymore.

For me, that story was the story of how my grandparents created a big mess of an expensive house after their other house burned down. I was so mad that they would be so irresponsible with money and also that their children were not holding them accountable. But then I realized that it’s not my problem. Even if I want to get in there and tell them what to do, that’s not my role.

When I decided that my little brother had problems, and it was up to me to help him solve them, even though he never asked me for help, that was a story I told myself. I told myself I was right to pity him, and to try to help him. But I really wasn’t. Help that is not asked for is not help. It’s doing something for YOU but it’s not doing something for the other person.

I decided to reframe the conversation.

My brother has every right to live his life exactly as he sees fit and I accept him, just as he is. Ditto for my grandparents. And suddenly the element of suffering and sadness in my relationship with them went away. I was able to just enjoy them and be with them.

What a difference changing your language can make!

Have you ever found it hard to speak your truth?

Oprah says, “What I know for sure is that speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have,” she said. “So I want all the girls watching here and now to know that a new day is on the horizon! And when that new day finally dawns, it will be because of a lot of magnificent women… and some pretty phenomenal men, are fighting hard to make sure that they become the leaders who take us to the time when nobody ever has to say ‘Me too’ again.”


Consider these truths.

“We live inside the conversation we create about our lives.” -Lynne Twist

“Language is your reality in the moment.”

“You change your language, you change your emotional state.”

“Wisdom is to have words for your experience.”  – Sophia Treyger

“There comes a time in each person’s life where they arrive at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that they must take themselves for better or worse as their portion.” – Emerson

Authenticity is owning who you are and what you bring to the table. Your true gifts deserve credit. Authenticity is saying what needs to be heard while staying in relationship.​

I’ve written before about the power of changing your language.

Change Your Language, Change Your Life

Do you have any thought terminating cliches? Are you sure?

The Story of Your Life by Mandy Aftel

I do not believe in “The Secret” and I do not believe that most of us can “manifest” as it were. HOWEVER I do believe in the power of changing your story that you tell yourself every day.

For example I was hanging out with a guy who was telling me how he felt that modern dating is an exercise in self-harm. And I thought WHOA he sounds depressed. Turns out he IS depressed. And he said he just gets so despondent that he doesn’t even try anymore with online dating.  So even though he is a young guy, and good looking, has his money situation figured out, and good family relationships, he is dooming himself before he begins with dating due to his language. Language is powerful.

So think about how you talk about what you do. 

Are you dooming your fundraising efforts before you start with the stories you tell yourself?

What about visioning what’s possible for your life? Are you dooming your career inquiries before you begin?

Do you apologize for taking up verbal space? Or physical space?

How can you overcome what is so ingrained?

Maybe take the concept of a swear jar and make it into a “sorry” jar where every time you apologize unnecessarily, you put a dollar in that jar. When the jar is full, hopefully you’ll have stopped saying the S word so much.

But if you truly want to become assertive, change your language, speak your truth and step into leadership, join us at the Fundraising Career Conference April 2, 4 and 6, 2018, ONLINE. We will have a session from Elaine Lou Cartas on this exact topic. 

Learn more here.

Register for the Fundraising Career Conference