Have you read the first post in this series? If not, here it is!
“Evil begins when you treat people as things-either yourself or other people.” -Granny Weatherwax
I just read this wonderful book called Working ourselves to death and I just had to tell you about this particular piece of it:
Women and Workaholism:
Diane Fassel writes: “Our frantic activity is an attempt to attain an identity through doing. And more than just doing, doing well, doing perfectly, and doing in such a way to please others. Al of this striving gets us nowhere internally, for working, caring and pleasing do not resolve the issue of low self esteem.”
“Our unconscious goal is to be so desirable, so smart, so competent, so giving, so perfect, that others will be convinced that they can’t get along as well, if at all, without us. In our efforts to guarantee career security and advancement, to hold on to our relationships, and mostly, to create and maintain a positive image of ourselves, we pretend we are infallible and that nothing is beyond our scope.”
I don’t know how many fundraising people I’ve talked with who have told me they are “doing it all.” A lot of people though.
Ms Fassel continues:
One woman told me that “she was so intent on pleasing her boss, whom she idealized, that she never complained about working overtime and even demurred when he offered her time off. She believed her dedicated working bought his admiration, her loyalty bought his friendship. Her own process and needs were not considered.
The boss, himself a workaholic, loved her hard work (not her) and piled work on her. He became less enthusiastic when she began making errors and getting physically sick.
“When she finally left the job exhausted, she became almost suicidal with the realization that she was an object to this man, discarded when no longer useful. Doubly sickening was her realization that she had let herself be used in this way. that she had devoted countless house of loyal effort in exchange for one ten-second pat on the head.
In the end it was hollow. She felt empty and done-in by her illusion of a good working relationship, and equally done-in by the constant effort that it brought.”
I have to say that this happened to me. i gave everything to my work. My bosses treated me like a thing. i Treated myself like a thing.
And got sick. really sick. I nearly had to go to the hospital. THis happened over and over again.
Eventually I got out of there.
Do people make fun of you for leaving at 5pm?
Do people get held up as heroes for doing their work on the weekend?
That is wrong and that might mean you are in a workaholic nonprofit.
“Other women workaholics report nearly chronic bladder infections. They refuse to take time to go to the bathroom. The need to win the boss’s approval, coupled with progressive disengagement from awareness of their own physical needs, was resulting in illness of women on a wider scale than I had imagined. -Pg 58-60
So to counteract workaholism, and get back in balance, I’ve made a self care calendar. Just a quick little one, and pasted it on the wall of my bedroom.
Here’s how it looks after one month.
i’ve put in oil massage, staying off sugar, exercising, meditation, drawing and painting, yoga, and spending time with friends.
What do YOU like to do for self care?